Tuesday, July 20, 2010

In Which Louis Riel Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place.

Last night, in the alley behind my apartment building, Louis Riel got his hand stuck in the dumpster.

The dumpster, of course, is padlocked to discourage any misdemeanor behaviour,
Like taking garbage.
Or adding garbage.

I heard moans of not quite agony coming from the leader of the Red River Rebellion
And went
To investigate.

I was only wearing gym shorts
And bathroom slippers.
It was a thick,
Muggy night.
A real cicada summer.

Louis Riel! I called.
How'd you get all caught up in that dumpster?

Louis Riel! I added.
Can I call you Dave?

Louis Riel had some cockamamie story about trying to dispose of a baggie full of dog poop.
But I didn't see any dog.
And why not just drop the so-called baggie full of dog poop in the trash can on the corner?
Eh, Louis Riel?

Stop right there, Dave! I said to Louis Riel.
You know, I continued,
If my mother happened to be 125 years old
She would have been born
On the day
Of your

Think about that, Dave.
Think about that.

Goodbye, Dr. Jukes.


Morag said...

First to follow 1% i say!

jack valiant quotes said...

[The sculpture represents] a grotesque man with no pants on and his testicles hanging down. Can you imagine if John Diefenbaker was portrayed with no pants --or John A. Macdonald?
-Jim Durocher, president of the Métis Society of Saskatchewan (Globe and Mail, May 13, 1996)

The contorted naked figure, supposedly depicting a tormented Riel, is hopelessly pretentious and insufferably artsy.
-Naomi Lakritz, journalist (Winnipeg Sun, July 28, 1994)

How can the Riel statue be a "source of inspiration or pride" for any Manitoban when drunks urinate on it and it is a focal point for the sordid business of male prostitution in Winnipeg. Louis Riel deserves better. He should be remembered with a new more dignified statue.
-Naomi Lakritz, journalist (Winnipeg Sun, July 28, 1994)

Anonymous said...

What words..