The Night I Saw Emil Zátopek Get a High Score On Q*Bert.

Emil Zátopek had a stack of quarters
As high as three joysticks.
He was, as usual, a man on a mission.

Was this Emil Zátopek's first time?
Could he do it all again?
Would I bear witness to greatness?

So I asked him.
"Emil Zátopek," I said,
"Should I be taking pictures
Or something?"

"@!#?@!?", said Emil Zátopek.

Of Morning.

Not knowing how to plan a funeral,
How to dispose of assets,
How to inform family members,
Friends,
Acquaintances.
None of it.

I bought a ticket
On a bus
Bound for the middle
Of nowhere.

And left the details
To the state.

There will be no requiem.

In Which Louis Riel Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place.

Last night, in the alley behind my apartment building, Louis Riel got his hand stuck in the dumpster.

The dumpster, of course, is padlocked to discourage any misdemeanor behaviour,
Like taking garbage.
Or adding garbage.

I heard moans of not quite agony coming from the leader of the Red River Rebellion
And went
To investigate.

I was only wearing gym shorts
And bathroom slippers.
It was a thick,
Hot,
Muggy night.
A real cicada summer.

Louis Riel! I called.
How'd you get all caught up in that dumpster?

Louis Riel! I added.
Can I call you Dave?

Louis Riel had some cockamamie story about trying to dispose of a baggie full of dog poop.
But I didn't see any dog.
And why not just drop the so-called baggie full of dog poop in the trash can on the corner?
Eh, Louis Riel?

Stop right there, Dave! I said to Louis Riel.
You know, I continued,
If my mother happened to be 125 years old
She would have been born
On the day
Of your
Execution.

Think about that, Dave.
Think about that.

Goodbye, Dr. Jukes.